Tuesday, January 29th, 2008...8:23 pm
Who’s looking HOT under the collar?
From the New York Times: “Helpful Fashion Industry Gives Women Tired Of Obsessing Over Their Thighs, Butts, Stomachs, Breasts, Waists, Arms, Calves, And Faces Something Else To Think About For A Change”
Article highlights:
- Self-improvement is not worth it if other people can’t see and judge the results.
- Your clothes may make you look overweight even if you’re not.
- A chiseled, well-defined clavicle can be a “thin signal” that lets people know you have value, no matter what you wear.
Steps To Take:
- Ladies, before you go out, ask yourself: are my shoulders thin enough to be shown in public? If you suspect the answer may be “no”, please consider buying a concealing wrap or burqa, or else stay indoors until you’re more presentable.
- Despite the clear importance of this area in personal beauty and therefore worth, there are currently no clavicle-enhancing drugs or surgeries on the market. Write your local multinational pharmaceutical conglomerate and petition them to address this serious need.
7 Comments
January 29th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
Honestly, I’m appalled with the fashion industry. Tent dresses? Clothes that don’t silhouette a thin woman’s figure? What’s next? Muumuus ? Don’t they know tents are for fatty fat fat people? Seems like we’re in Bizarro world. I’ll probably start seeing miniskirts and baby-tees in the plus-size section.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Oh and also appalled with the cosmetic surgery industry. Where are the clavicle implants?
January 30th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Its all vanity sizing. The clothes arent meant to be baggy, they just made them like that for the fatties!
January 30th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Thank goodness there’s now a way to prove that a woman is ‘authentically thin’ instead of a fat fatty trying to weasel her way into the limelight! In the past, it was simple for any fat woman to get liposuction or stomach stapling surgery and try to ‘pass’. But the almighty clavicle cannot be compromised.
We must take steps to make certain that a fat woman in an unflattering dress and a thin woman in an unflattering - but far more fashionable - dress can be told apart by sight. Call or write your Congressperson today and demand legislation to prevent the use of clavicle enhancing methods!
January 31st, 2008 at 4:40 am
am so happy to read that university students are using the full of their brainpower to consider their clavicles. clavicle gazing = the new navel.
January 31st, 2008 at 9:36 am
[…] recently read The Health Institute of Nutrition’s satirical post about collarbones as the new and trendy marker of status and thinness, and so maybe it was […]
February 3rd, 2008 at 2:49 pm
I also am glad I can tell the thin people, or people of value, from the fatties. Since I’m a mother, I’m overly conscious of keeping my children away from the fat so they don’t catch it. In schools I heralded an anti-cupcake movement so that they don’t eat the fat-causing white foods (and so that those poor innocent, but sometimes fatty, other children also don’t eat white foods).
However, what about being able to tell the children of value apart from the fat kids? Sometimes clavicles don’t start to show until children shed their baby fat (which of course, I made sure *my* children never had). This can be when they’re 15, 16, even 17 years old! How will my children be able to tell which other children are authentically thin? We need to find out which bones protrude on naturally thin children. Something on the nose, maybe? Or the elbow? Any advice for a concerned parent?
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