Monday, February 11th, 2008...10:34 am
Cows Suffer Because You’re Fat
Salon Book Review: “Bitch Gives Fat Women Everywhere The Benefit Of Eating Disorder, Guilt”
Article Highlights:
- Skinny Bitch, a highly scienterrific weight-loss plan written by actual vegans, explains how everything you like makes you fat because it cuts the beaks off live chickens.
- This hot new diet book functions as a powerful “guilt supplement” by making fat women complicit in the rape of the universal mother, Our Planet Earth.
- Helpful advice like “you need to exercise, you lazy shit” and “don’t be a fat pig anymore” allow fat women not gifted with a weight-loss-enabling eating disorder to experience the benefits of ringing condemnation running through their heads.
- Readers report appreciable loss of self-esteem in even the first week of following the book’s plan.
- Reviewer Julie Klausner raves: “Now dieters can have the convenience of a former model and a former modeling agent putting their transgressions in the black-and-white terms of right and wrong.”
- Contains no actual weight loss tips.
Steps To Take
- Stop killing baby animals for fun, you fat jerk.
14 Comments
February 11th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Thank goodness! At last! Since models are the thinnest of us all, clearly they are the moral compass we all should follow at all times.
I do hope, however, that the authors point out the fact that thin people, even when they eat entire cows, are NOT raping Mother Earth even a little bit. You can tell because they are not fat.
February 11th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Does self esteem make fat people gain more weight? It seems like loss of self esteem is an important first step in weight loss…yet important for thin people to have. I am so confused!
February 11th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
This book is the magic weight-loss cure for the Obesity Epidemic. It works even better than the reviewer claims, since all it took was for me to read her review and already I can feel the pounds of fat melting away, to be replaced by pounds of guilt. Finally, I can be healthy.
However, I’m disappointed there’s no mention of how fat parents (especially fat mothers) abuse their fat children by force-feeding them dead baby animals (like puppies and so forth). Can’t we Think of the Children? That’s the problem with a book written by a model; since she lost her ability to menstruate long ago and hence can’t have children (very admirable, since loss of menstruation is associated with severe underweight), she can’t understand the trials and/or tribulations of parents who want their Skinny Superior Children to remain Skinny (and hence Superior).
Perhaps a sequel is in order, written by kiddie-pageant moms?
February 11th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Bekbek: It’s quite simple.
Self-esteem is wonderful for thin people to have, but dangerous for fat people to have, so the best thing to do is take it away from fat people until they can become thin.
February 12th, 2008 at 6:09 am
ugh, for the love of god i hate this book and i haven’t even read it. feministing did a thing on it recently. i definitely didn’t go for every point of that blogger’s take on it (for one, she said that vegan diets are absurdly strict and insinuated that anyone who goes vegan is just looking for a cover for his/her food control issues). but yes, the entire premise of the book makes me want to go eat a cow right now, and i’m a vegetarian. PETA (oh how I hate PETA) has a video called “30 reasons to be a vegetarian” and number 5 or thereabouts shows this scowling girl spitting out the words “because milk … and meat … make you FAT.” i would have an ounce more respect for PETA if they stopped trying to lure people into being vegan by saying “ooh, lookie at all of us skinny people munching on tempeh! you can be one of us!”
the other thing that pisses me off about this book is the very title itself. i am so tired of people thinking that every “animal person” and vegetarian is a psycho ready to toss paint on Grandma’s mink with a militant screech. i for one actually hate it when people ask me why i do what i do because the “why are you vegetarian” question usually comes as the asker is ordering a steak and i don’t enjoy killing someone’s dining experience over my personal feelings on the subject.
February 12th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Self-esteem is wonderful for thin people to have, but dangerous for fat people to have, so the best thing to do is take it away from fat people until they can become thin.
It’s like food, in a way.
February 12th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
And attention: If you’re fat and already vegan, you have been put on notice that you don’t actually exist. So, like ghosts and spirits and everything else invisible, you get to wreak your havoc on the planet where people can’t actually see you. Scienterrific!
February 12th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
But it does contain actual weight-loss tips, as presented in the review:
* “You need to exercise, you lazy shit.”
* “If you eat crap, you are crap.”
* “drag your cankles to a health food store.”
My mother and other bitches have been giving me those tips for years, so I assume they work!
February 13th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Ahhh, yes. Veganism. It’s as simple as that.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:30 am
I found this link through The Rotund. I’m that fat and invisible veg*n meowser was speaking of…and shit like this is part of the reason it’s so hard for me to tell people about it. ‘Cause fat people just don’t have enough self control to be veg*n, right? Because choosing not to eat meat is moral, and being fat is not moral, so it doesn’t compute, right?…Meh…
@ hotsauce: i thoroughly agree with your post.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
@ dulcinea…
i see heaven when i see thee, dulcinaaaaaaaaa-ya,
and thy name is like a prayer, an angel whispers … dulcinea … dulcinea!
love that play : )
sorry, comments hijacking done. carry on.
February 19th, 2008 at 3:02 am
Oh dear - there hasn’t been an update in many many days - I hope this awesome website hasn’t run out of steam already? I NEED this site!! I NEED the snark!!
Won’t someone please think of the chil-der-ren?
(Hey, I’m somebody’s child…)
March 1st, 2008 at 10:12 am
One of the key revelations on my journey toward body acceptance came from a conversation I had about food with this wonderful, articulate, radical girl who I met traveling. In the same sentence, she told me that she was vegan and that she “liked having some pudge.”
“Wait!” I thought, “You’re vegan but you don’t want to lose weight? You mean you’re allowed to make choices about your diet based on your ethical/political convictions AND love your body at the same time - even if you have a body like mine?”
So, to all you ‘invisible’ vegan fatties out there: You’re visible to me. Thank you.
March 20th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
Hotsauce, aren’t you aware though that PETA’s scienterrific studies come from actual experience. Who cares if you’re hungry after eating a bowl of vegetables, you should feel proud to be hungry. Proud that you’re denying yourself the energy you need in order to save maybe one or two animals that run away from the meat factory, from being slaughtered.
Being thin is the only way to show you care for animals, that’s what PETA is trying to enlighten us towards. How can you care for animals when you have the unnatural desire to need protein to live? How can you live with eating innocent animals, when you can get the same results from eating a gallon of soybeans each day.
Surely a group of people who care about animals so much, to show images of them being tortured, should know a few things right? Certainly they’re not shooting themselves in the foot, by luring people who would want to hurt animals, and are excited by their animal snuff films.
*I’m also angered at PETA claiming pets would be better off let out into the wild, to be hit by cars and killed by other animals. In fact I’m so disturbed by it, I can’t even bring myself to make a sarcastic comment towards it, so I thought I’d just throw it in.*
How can you justify your exsistence, as PETA feels one less human is another animal saved. Maybe they’ll start that “Murder against the meat” campaign sometime soon. Of course they’ll have to find a good online crazy malitia site to sell them weapons. I’ve even heard there’s one that sells you free Jonestown Tea for an order above $50.
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